dat ger u was wid wasnt mi..

2004-08-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

gees. feelin so sickk. donoy . sux.y is life so sickk. awwwk. jus came back wid my parents frm parkwae. is so sick goin out wid dem? so sianz. bought some asst books n foolscape 4 mathe. wait. i think im running a fever. no1 blieve miee. i jus make it str wid him. so sad. wanted 2 crie. almost cry. bud it was controlled. saw my nanny.de 1 dat look care of mi when i was young

she sae my face changed.

baby face gone. wait

when did i eva hab baby face? awwwk.

think ive grown ugllieeerrr. man. dis sark.

k... 2mrl reopen 4 skool.

time 4 slacks.

slacker is a kute guy. didnt noe i noe him. bud well. he look cool in dat pic. real kute.

2004-08-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

im avoidin.
i noe we could b 2gether if we carri on.
n im avoidin.
n duo i don1.
cos u were dere n evrything.
when i was feelin so sick.
u noe de words 2 sae.
u seems so right.
we seems so right.
bud hab 2 get it str.
i cant b in a relationship.
n i wun.
n im gonna b avoidin.
n duo it hurts.
hurts so much.
dat is u all i can think bout.
bout is tym 2 move on.
sorri.
sorri.
sorri 4 leadin u on.
sorrri.
de feelings r real.
i nbr. i nbr lie 2 u. i never.........
**
i feel so cheated.
i dono hu i am 2 him.
i noe he loves her.
i noe i'll owaes b 2nd after her 2 him.
evrytym dats 2nd.
i will only b dere.
if she rejects.
den y ya actin lyk u care.
u noe. hw much u mean 2 mi.
do u noe.
a ger's tryin 2 get bck @ mi.
with y o u . you . y o u .
do u noe im hurt.
n duo i doesnt showw.
n duo. i tell u is nt u dat i fancy.
cuz i noe. is her dat u care bout.
not mi. wad exactly am i 2 u?
a frien? wad kinda frien?
a sista? how close can we go?
do u really cares? or iszat jus a pretense?
w a d x a c t l y a m i 2 u .
can u pls tell mi.
i really need it.
im really sick of owaes being de 2nd ger.
im really sick of waittin.
sick of lookin @ u frm afar.
sick of desirin 4 u.
sick of seein u evrytym i close my eyes.
w a d a m i 2 u-- --
do u really wan 2 c mi.
cos iszat jus 2 make mi feel good.
n satisfied.

2004-08-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

2dae. sickkk dae.
wake up wid darn period.
i was lyk *omg*.
den didnt go 2 church.
cos i went back 2 slp.
don lyk dat church anyway.
half thinkin of changin.
bud. 4get it.
ya. den i slept until 11+.
wake up drink milo.
den mi go watch vcds.
den kana chase out by my dad.
cos i on de tv until v loud.
*sheeshh*
den i went 2 blast my music.
hahars.
after went 2 hougang.
i went sumwhere near dere 2
orh orh (Zzz) at de plaeground.
den finally g i v e u p cos alot
m o q u i t o b i t e.
stoopiiddd mosquitos.
deesturb my sweet sleepp.
den i went upstairs.
so sianz. watch tv n ate ice creamSs.
ate till bloated.
den i jus realise hw kute
is my pri3 n k2 cousin.
dey r bruders.
n dey gt one sis dats jus a toodle.
she look so lyk cindi wang xin ling.
eyes big big de.
den de pri3 brother hug her n sae *my dear*
datss sooo sweeet.
2bad i don hab a older bruder.
awwwww...
aft dat my dad fetch mi go thomson
makan cheessee roti prata.
bon appeti.
den we went around jurong in my dads new car.
n my dad roll down de window.
de wind was brushin across my face so hard.
my hair was flyin back.
den i close my eyes n njoy it dere.
cos i don seem 2 b able 2 open my eyes.
it gets irritated easiy.
den i urgent need tolite.
den i went 2 my dads industry.
where my dad work as a supervisor.
not his office duo.
dere r 5 dogs dere.
bud der'e strays.
1 golden brown dat my dad
bring up since it was young.
it came out upon seein my dad.
n rub ts nose against de window.
sooo kawaiiee.
den gt 4 other dogs dat were scared of my dad.
cos my dad hits dem when dey fight wid de
other strays. n when i walk pass dem.
i was sooo scared.
i held my dad hand v tightly.
n i was lyk sweatin.
finally i finish doin my buiness.
it was den i found out my dad gt his own bathroom
dats lyk 2times bigger den my hse bathroom.
superbb...
ya. nw feelin so tired.
mayb watchi fireworks tomolo.
still thinkin hu 2 go wid.
*tryin nt 2 b bois.
cos sum1 saw wid mid bois
n told my dad.
den he gave mi sum consellin.
i mus b guai.
d=. cos i love my dad.
ya. shud i b tan.
wid dat glow on de face.
or turn bck 2 white n fair?
dat ladylike kinda thing.
ant commmeeenntts? ** (=

2004-08-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

2dae went kallang therthe.
4 our skool thanksgivin.
ddnt get 2 c de prize giving.
cos hab 2 do refreshment duty.
i lyk de *home* thing dat de band plae.
de way dey all cum together.
den de dance was fab.
dey lie till so str.
bud dou dey look lyk dead ppl.
is really fab.
chior was ok lar.
duo got 1 ger sway here n dere.
so farni. n i dono wad dey singin oso lar.
den go 4 duty.
c de food so hungry!
bud aft servin we get 2 eat!
de chicken n brownie is de best.
yummieees.
den aft dat go bowlin.
den dat tym sit dere think alot things.
den dono hw i karna sick.
giddy giddy de.
anyway i did really bad at bowlin la.
throw until so light de.
no strength.
den na n karen went hm.
left mi n geena alf n his frien.
den dono go where.
den was feelin so giddy.
under de sun summore....
den sit taxi.
den i went farrer park.
so sianz.
mi go dere orh orh.
den my mum ask mi eat le not.
den i sae haben.
she ask mi wan go makan at lagoon.
den i was smsin alvin.
den he oso dere.
suppose 2 meet.
den i dono.complicated.
anyway at de end nbr meet.
den i bought de ice-cream
dat makes mi feel so nauseous.
den i sms all de way bck.
den went neighs hse.
plae plae. tok tok. hear music.
so fun 2 hang arnd.
ya. sianz.

2004-08-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

2dae so fun.
national dae in skool.
though nt s nice s las yrs.
is still fun narhs.
wid all de singins n stuff.
bud it ends fast.
den went east coast wid reena!
nw mi so red.
bud im lovin it.
my skin colour rawks.
oki. at dere.
mi n reena plae wid de sand.
i noe is lame la.
bud is fun(=.
we draw our name n friens4eva
n stooppiiddd syuffs nahs.
den we eat spag at 711.
den kana chase here n dere.
so pathetic.
den de bes tym is at de rocks!
n ya. we saw sum models dat r so chio.
den on de rock i slept.
1st i slept on na's lap.
2nd i slp on my hand. facin de sea.
3rd i slp layin down.
4th i slp under my arm.
den reena dere helpin mi wid my skirt.
lolz. den when de tide is high.
it will splash over us.
den wen we open our mouth 2 shout.
it will go in2 our mouth.
nt only iszit salty.is sickkk.
den nw we tan tan de.
esp neck n forehead.
rennas ear more kute de.
i find 2dae so fun.
but she don. wth.
kk. den was so tired when walk bck.
but overall is a fun dae. fun n sun.
den at nite went ps wid my parents.
i only 2 agree 2 go cos dey sae
treat mi eat cafe catel. so nice of dem horr.
i ate de superb platte.
got breaded crab claws
calamari.
cheese muchers.
chicken nuggets.
cheddar.
so damn nice.
but after i eat gt stomache pain.
rush 2 de poot~
ya. guess dats all.
bud i njoy de suntan. soooo fun.
gee. mi wan suntan again~!!!!
yuuummmmiiiiieeee.
mi LOVE e SUnnNnn

2004-08-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

y am i feelin so alone.
y am i cryin in my own world.
arnt dere frien 4 mi 2 care.
n 2 care 4 mi
4 mi 2 love.
n 2 love mi.
hab i found my true frienship yet.
where.
are these friens really dere?
or do dey care only bout dem. demselves.
do i mean anything 2 dem at all.
den y am i left in de dark full of depression.
y am i left in de dark.
sheddin tears 4 i dono wad.
seekin 4 love.
bud whoes love do i seek.
r dey friens im able 2 trust 2 b dere.
in my darkest moment.
den where r ya nw.
m i de 1 numb.
am i de 1 dat cant feel a thing.
or is dere really no love btw us?
ommgg.... tell mi..
i.need.u......
u love her.
we're possible.
onli in my dreams.

2004-08-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him, :Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up? :Alright, give me 5 minutes. :5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house. :I need to get ready. :Alright, make it fast then. 2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself. Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned. 5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch. 10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident? 15 minutes passed, he finally shown up. :Why are you so late? He wasn't even a lil' bothered: Nahz, was watching TV. :What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then? I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him. :Sorry. This was the first time he said sorry to me... He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl. I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home. He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels. The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry. I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises. He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl. Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes. Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead. Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised. I dropped my head: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again. If you can never change, th en don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time. He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry. Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever. I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me. :What's wrong with you these few days? :Nothing. :Then why are you acting so strange? :I am not. :What can you say other than this answer? :Do you know I'm very worried, very insecure, do you treat me as your girlfriend? :I'm sorry... :I don't want to hear you say sorry again. I put down the phone and he did not call back. He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up. .....this was the 99th time he said sorry... From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him. Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up? After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him. I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him. :excuse me, is XOXO here today? :I'm afraid he already stopped schooling. :Huh? Why? When was that? :He hasn't been in school for a month already. :Oh erms...thanks. One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home. Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone.... I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer. How can it be? The whole family migrated? It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace. I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend. He was one of his brothers and also my good friend. :Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital. :REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED? :Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time. :I'll be right there. I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there. I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall. He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle, :Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me? He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again. :Come on answer me...why don't you speak? A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say... :I'm...sorry... After that, his eyes went shut. :Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me? :Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please. I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out.. :Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead? :I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use... :If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes..... That was the 100th sorry A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up... My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black. He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore. But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing. He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart. would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore. After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry. The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up. I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then, before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me? The second time, my dear, I... The third time, my dear, I... The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world, It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger.... You are the first girl I apologised to. And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life... Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you... Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear... I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible. The last photograph was of him in the hospital, Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever. His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th. At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him. :I'm sorry. I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....

2004-07-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

b l e s s e d w i d

1- dad .my eva ready atm. able 2 cheer mi up. he don scold mi or order mi 2 do stoopid things.

he will owaes b cute if he need my help.

he loves mi. he cares 4 mi so much he will b dere at de playground

with me evrytym i play when im young. grew up wid balloons.

2.mum- cares 4 mi. eva ready atm. noes wads good 4 mi.

understans. sumtyms though unreasonable.

i noe i cant do a btr job den her s a mum.understanz

when i need my own freedom n tym. unlike sum parents

hu lock their child up at home. nt allowed to get out.

at all.

3.bruder- eva ready ATM. nice hair 2 plae wid.

4.vicki- though owaes gt arguements. dats wad dat bond us

together. alot n i mean alot in common.

sumtyms will b irritated by her.

selfishhneess. accttinggs. sacarsticness.

bud im aware dis r only applied 2 mi.

cos i owaess n i mean owaes piiss her off.

5.emi- best friend. gt alot in common. alot alot. gud pal.

think v v v v alike. we love de same stuff.

de stoopiest n happiest moment las year is

definitely wid her. n noein her.

dat i wun b alone at all.

owaes find mi with her.

6.reena- she. hahaz. speechless.

shes nice ger. nice. can share wid her secrets.

bud reaction v big de.

6.yuanying- hahaz. my ger. able 2 share secrets wid.

able 2 b dere when i need her.

gid really good advices. mi u n reena will b de

bestest pals eva. in 2f4' 04

7.karen- friens 4 along tym oready. can count on

her 2 b dere. helpful. carin. she tiks care

of mi in skool. when i gt mosquito bite or pain pian

i will tell her. shes lyk my 2nd mummy...

8.2f4 classmates- makes school so fun.

so muuccchhh fun. nw i look 4ward 2 skool evrydae.

looks 4ward 2 being notti in klaz.

9.things i have dat other ppl dont.

10.my god. heavenly father. daddy in heaven-

w/o him. i would not be wad i am today. without him.

i wun b blessed wid dis things.

dis life.

dis love.

2004-07-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

u said 'dats bad' i said 'so what'. u said 'he lies' i said 'hes fun'. u said 'pls stop' i said 'shuddup'. u said 'i love u' i said 'not now'. bud de matches burned my hands. n he was nt dere 2 care 4 mi. he left mi in de dark alone.bud i was nt alone. u said 'i love u'. i said 'y' . u said 'bcos i made u'